


I'll hold on to you, even when you're gone

by pagesandletters



Series: One last time [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean have been dating awhile, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean is clueless, M/M, POV Dean, Post-Season/Series 11, Set far in the future, again i'm so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 02:49:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7667386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pagesandletters/pseuds/pagesandletters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas talked on the phone a few days ago, but where is Cas now?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll hold on to you, even when you're gone

**Author's Note:**

> I recommend reading I'll tell you I love you one last time before reading this since this is a sequel. This isn't beta'd, any and all mistakes are mine.

Dean paced in his room. They were at the bunker and after finally defeating the darkness, the world had decided to give them a break. They didn't have any huge mother monsters on their asses, and the usual monsters seemed to be in hiding mostly. There were still a few cases here and there, but they were all milk runs. Dean pauses a moment. Cas went on a werewolf case in Wisconsin a few days ago. The angel claimed it would be a milk run for an angel, so he let him go without prying. If Cas wanted to go on a case alone, who was he to deny him that? 

Still, Dean was worried. This was his angel he was talking about, so he dug his phone out of his pocket and speed dialed Cas. 'I'm just making sure he's okay.' Dean reasoned with himself. 

To Dean, the five rings felt like an eternity. 'What's gotten into me? Why am I so worried? It's Cas, he'll be fine and I'll see him soon.' Still, Dean couldn't help but worry when he was separated from his angel. But finally, Cas decided to pick up the phone. 

"Hello Dean." Dean smiled. Ever since he and Cas got together, he couldn't get enough of Cas. 

"Heya Cas, how's that werewolf case going?" 

"Taken care of. It was as easy as making a pie." Cas replied. His voice sounded a little off, but Dean figured it was probably nothing. 

"Well then why've you been gone so long if it was that easy?" Dean teased, pushing thoughts of Cas being hurt to the back of his head. 

"Well, I can't really waltz into town and leave after killing someone in the same day. I had to make it seem like I was human." 

Dean laughed at that. 'Who would have thought an angel would have to pretend to be human?' He thought in amusement. "Don't ever change angel."

"As you wish." 

"Don't princess bride me!" Dean laughs. "But damn, Metatron really did put every reference he knew into your noggin didn't he?" Dean already knew the answer to that, but he liked pointing it out whenever Cas surprised him. 

"He did indeed although I thought you already knew this." Dean smiles. Cas pauses a moment before saying, "Dean?" 

"Yes Cas?" Dean's thoughts start racing. 'Oh no. Did something bad happen? Is he hurt? Is he breaking up with me?' His heart clenches at the thought of Cas leaving him. 'Damn it, I should have gone with him. Then I wouldn't be worrying so much.'

"You know I'll always love you, right?" 

The words shock Dean. Even after dating for almost a year, he wasn't used to Cas telling him he loved him. Dean snaps out of his shock to be met with silence on Cas' end. He sighs softly in relief before replying, "I know, Cas. And I'll always love you too." 

Sam walks into his a moment later. Sam looks questioningly at the phone but says, "So get this, in Lawton, Oklahoma, three people have showed up dead, with what looks like vampire bites. Do you want to go take care of it with me and Mom?" 

Dean nods at Sam and says, "Hey Cas, I gotta go. There's a possible vamp case in Oklahoma, so I'll see you after I get back okay?" 

"Of course Dean. I'll see you soon. Remember that I'll always love you." Cas hangs up the phone before Dean can respond. 'Hm, that was a bit weird. His voice sounded a little strained at the end.' Dean shrugs to himself. 'Cas will be fine, he always is.' 

Dean shoves his phone back in his pocket and starts packing his duffel bag. 

~~

Dean shuts the trunk of his baby after grabbing his duffel bag. He, Sam, and their Mom had just gotten home from the vamp case and were ready to collapse. They had ended up killing a nest, but not before they got thrown around a little. 

Dean goes to his and Cas' room and sets his bag down on their bed. They had been only been gone a couple of days, so Cas should be back by now, but the bed looks unslept in and the bunker seemed empty and lifeless when they came in. 'Maybe Cas went on another hunt?' Dean thought hopefully. He didn't want to think that Cas just hadn't made it home yet. 

'I'll call Cas again and check up on him. Ask him if he found another hunt.' Dean decided.

Dean closes the door and sits on the bed. He grabs his phone from his pocket and calls Cas once again. 

The phone rings for a minute before Dean wonders, 'Why isn't he picking up? Did he forget to charge his phone again?' He bites his lip as his phone says, "You have reached the voicemail of Castiel. Please leave a message after the tone." 

Beep

"Hey Cas. Um-I was just wondering where you were. The bunker looks like it hasn't been lived in since we left, and I just thought that maybe you had found another case before you got home." Dean pauses for a moment. "Just, can you please hurry up and come home? I haven't seen you since the werewolf case and I really miss you Cas. Come back soon." Dean ends the call and tosses his phone in his duffel bag. 

Dean gets up and heads towards the kitchen where Sammy and his Mom should be. On his way there, he is inexplicably hit with the feeling that something bad has happened to Cas. He just can't get the thought that Cas is hurt out of his head, so Dean all but runs to the kitchen where Sam and Mary are sitting and exclaims, "I think something happened to Cas." 

Sam and Mary look at him in confusion. Sam gets up and says, "Why would you think something happened to Cas? I mean, he has his angel mojo so unless he ran into some pissed off angels he should be fine." 

"I don't know, but the bunker looks like nobody's been in it since we left, Cas isn't answering his phone, and the whole thing just feels off." Dean shakes his head. "I can't explain it, but I just think that something's up with Cas." 

"Well, if you think that something's wrong, we could go and try to check up on him." Mary suggests. "Where was he the last time you heard from him?" 

~~ 

Dean slams his fist against the door of his Baby, but he can't help it. They had managed to turn on Cas' GPS and had arrived in Appleton, Wisconsin early this morning and had been asking around about a guy in a trench coat with blue eyes, but nobody seemed to know where he was. The GPS wasn't helping much either, as it couldn't seem to decide where Cas was and kept moving around the town. Although, the GPS mostly kept jumping to different abandoned buildings, so they decided they would check some of them out in a few hours when it was night. Until then, they were going to continue asking if anybody had seen him. 

Personally, Dean didn't think they would find anybody who knew where Cas was, but he'd rather be asking around than waiting and worrying. Dean sighs and gets in his Baby, revving the engine before driving off to the next bar they could find.

~~

Dean points his gun at the door, readying himself to kick the door down. He plants his left foot and busts the door open with his right. Straining to hear anything, Dean slowly walks into the building, pointing his flashlight everywhere to make sure he was alone. Satisfied nobody was here, Dean relaxed his arms, but made sure he would be ready to fire if anything popped up and that the flashlight is always pointing in front of him. 

Before they got here, Sam, Mary, and Dean had decided they would each take one of the four abandoned buildings Cas' GPS had been in the most. If Cas wasn't in those three, they would all meet up in front of the fourth building and search that one together. The buildings were all fairly close to each other, so if they found Cas they should easily be able to call out and alert the others whether they had found him or not. 

Dean continued walking through the building, searching high and low for any signs of Cas. He was hoping Cas would still be here so he could tell him how stupid it was of him to not come home. 

Turning around a corner, Dean's flashlight hits Cas, who is presumably leaning against the wall. All he can see are his legs and the bottom portion of his trench coat because of the stupid shelf he was next to. 'Oh thank Chuck I found him. Maybe he fell asleep after spending a few more days in town?' Dean thought, not quite comprehending that the trench coat had bloodstains on it. 

"You know," Dean began, walking towards Cas slowly. "You really had us worried there. I mean, when we were got to the bunker and you weren't there, I thought you were - " Dean's voice gives out when he finally passes the shelf and sees Cas for the first time in days.

Cas is lying on the ground, as the wall goes farther back than Dean thought, his eyes as blue as ever, but staring lifelessly at the ceiling. His mouth is open slightly, as if in shock. His normally tan skin is pale and blood is splattered everywhere. It's in his hair, on his face, and his trench coat is completely covered with it. Dean's eyes fill with tears as the sight of Cas fully hits him. The imprint of Cas' wings goes up the shelf on his left, while the other wing is spread out on the floor. Cas had showed Dean what his wings truly looked like only a couple of times, so to see them burned into the ground makes Dean's heart spasm in pain. He finally notices the angel blade in Cas' stomach and he drops onto his knees. He crawls towards Cas, his shock slowly turning into sorrow and despair. "What did they do to you angel?" Dean whispers to himself brokenly. His tears fall onto the ground, mixing with the blood stains to create bright spots of red among the dull reddish-brown of dried blood. Dean settles beside Cas quietly, cursing himself for letting Cas hunt alone. 

Dean sits there for an eternity, tears falling, heart breaking into millions of pieces as time goes on. He has long since abandoned his gun and flashlight, so they sit next to him, forgotten for the time being. Dean stares dully at Cas, not wanting to believe the one person he allowed himself to love with all his heart has died and left him alone. He doesn't register Sam and Mary calling his name, doesn't register when Sam and Mary finally find them, doesn't register the empty words Sam gives him while Mary calls 911. Dean just sits there, staring heartbrokenly at Cas, all the while thinking, 'How could you have let him go alone? How could you let this happen to him? It's your fault he's dead Dean! You kill everything you touch!' 

Since Dean isn't cooperating, Sam is forced to carry Dean out of the building and put him in the backseat of his car. Dean finally starts struggling when he realizes he's been handcuffed to the door. "Sam, let me out now!" Dean demands, his voice full of anger. 

Sam shakes his head sadly. "I'm sorry Dean, but you have to stay here." 

Dean slams his hand against the inside of the door. "Damn it Sammy! Why won't you let me out?" 

"Because Dean, you're just going to go back to Cas and right now, you don't need to see him like that." 

"Why not Sam? Huh? Because he's dead? Because it was my job to protect him? Because it was my job to protect him Sam!" Dean yells as his eyes fill with tears again and he struggles to keep them from falling. "He trusted me with his life, and I let him go alone. Now he's dead and God certainly isn't gonna bring him back this time." Dean pauses for a moment to control himself before saying, "The least I could do is apologize to him properly." 

Sam himself is holding back tears at Dean's outburst, but he still he shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Dean." He chokes out. "But you aren't leaving this car." 

Dean starts shouting at Sam in anger, but Sam doesn't budge. He stays there to make sure that Dean doesn't escape. Even when the police finally arrive, Sam doesn't move, he simply gestures where to go and continues watching Dean. 

~~ 

Sam drives them home that night, and when Dean finally falls asleep, Sam talks to his Mom about what they're going to do next. It's obvious that Dean will always love Cas, even though he's gone, so Sam and Mary decide they will try and let him heal since they both know he won't move on. 

When they get home, they put Dean in his room so he can sleep, and they proceed to take anything containing alcohol in it and throw it away. They make sure that anything sharp is locked up and they vow to constantly look out for hunts to try and keep Dean busy. 

However, when Dean wakes up the next morning, he doesn't get out of bed. He falls into a deep hole that Sam and Mary know will be hard to bring him out of, so they start slowly. They bring him his favorite foods and some water but he doesn't touch it. It takes a week without any food or water for Dean to break and start eating and drinking again, but even then he'll go days without anything before having half of one of the three meals he's given. Sam and Mary watch him closely, making sure he doesn't get a hold of any alcohol because Dean might do something he'll regret. They are constantly talking to Dean when they visit his room, trying to get him to talk again. One day he just snaps at them out of anger, but they're happy he finally said something. 

Over the next few years, Dean slowly improves. He doesn't stay in his room all day, he's eating and drinking something every day, he never shuts up now, and he even enjoys going out on hunts. There are, of course, days where Dean doesn't get up, doesn't talk, eat, drink, or do anything at all. But these days are happening less and less with every year that passes. 

Dean stills loves and misses Cas with all of his heart, and he prays to him every night, just talking to him about everything he's missing out on. Talking to Cas helps, and Dean has a tiny hope that maybe Cas can hear him. He knows that logically, since Cas is dead, he won't hear him. But Dean knows that Cas will be waiting for him in his personal heaven, so he talks to the Cas that he'll meet when he finally dies. He tells him everything he didn't get a chance to tell him when he was alive so that when they meet again, Cas will be waiting for him with the knowledge of just how much he means to Dean.

**Author's Note:**

> Agh I feel so bad for Dean D: Billie is totally not throwing Dean or Sam's souls into the void, so they are going to heaven when they die in this fic:3 Any comments, kudos, or bookmarks are appreciated <3 I hope you liked it!


End file.
